The passing of a parent :(

Saturday morning I woke at 7am. The sound beeping sound of my phone was starting to irritate me. It goes off every few minutes indicating that there is a sms. I eventually got up and opened the message. There were 3messages! All please call me's from my brother. Urgggg I thought. But then I thought maybe it is my mom. So I called him and he told me that my mom was admitted again to hospital. I then sem's my dh to to tell him and to also tell him to stop by my mom's house when he comes home from work.


I got out of bed and started with Zeke's clothing and started cleaning. And then at 7h20 Zeke woke up which meant that I had to stop everything. I was playing with him and spending some quality time with him as I have missed him the whole week. And then I decided that we (me and Zeke) are going to pray for Mamma. And we prayed and when I was finished he looked at me with this look on his face and just smiled at me. I had to hold back the tears. I decided I am going to bath my baby boy and then we could just spend time together before daddy comes home from work.


Daddy came home just after 9am. made breakfast for us. And I gave Zeke a bottle and off to lalaland he went. So innocent to the worl around him. He does not know the difference between living and dying. And as I was watching him fall asleep so many thoughts went through my mind. Thinking what he would be when he grows up. How he would be if I were to be sick. Would he be there for me? Would he take care of me? And if I should die, would he miss me? All these things.

Saturday afternoon I went about my chores. Hanging the washing and getting the house clean. I received a call from an unfamiliar number. And I did'nt want to answer the phone yet I did. Then I just heard my sister's voice. She said you better come to the hospital and ask someone to get you here. And she told me that my mom is not going to make it. I was like :"WHAT?" And I put the phone down. I woke up hubby and he said we could go during visiting hours. I was ok with that. Then 10minutes later, she phoned again ans this time with more urgency! Come now. And I went into a crying fit. Woke up hubby and this time I got his full attention.

We decided to ask SIL to look after Zeke. We got ready and got Z ready. Took him to his aunt and from there to the hospital. On our way there, there was silence in the car. We were both so nervous. I did not know what to expect. And my mind was playing tricks on me. And I was feeling down and sad. And I thought to myself that if my mom should pass away before I get there then I am going to kill my husband. Because he took so long. And it felt like we were driving for hours and hours eventhough the drive was only 10 minutes.

When we got to the hospital I jumped out of the car. There I was met by family, all in tears. My heart sank. I thought I was too late. I was in tears. But someone (can't remember who) took me through to where my mom was. There, I vaguely remember the people that was there, people ushered me to the top of the bed. And I saw my eldest brother standing over me. And when I saw my mom. I could not utter a word, I just cried. Next thing I knew I was talking to her. She had an oxygen mask on, and the little bag at the bottom did not inflate or deflate. because her breathing was very very poor. I was in shock. I looked at her. And I saw a lifeless person there. I did not know this woman before me. I couldn't picture this woman in my life. The mother/woman I know was strong and had a soft heart.

This woman before me is not the person that I got to know and love. She was just laying there. Her eyes were rolled up and there was no movement.. She just lay there. I wanted to shout, GET UP GET UP. I wanted her to hold my hand and I wanted her to tell me that everything will be ok. I wanted her to just get up. I was devastated. But I knew. I knew that she was gone already. Just that she was still breathing. She fought very hard despite the fact that she just could not anymore. I wanted to tell her that I would trade places with her. But I could'nt. At that time I was only thinking of her and me. No one else mattered, sadly not even my son. I mentally prepared myself for her passing........

The day dragged on forever. And I just could not bear her suffering so much. I said a silent prayer in her ear. And I told God that I release her. I give her unto Him. I made peace at that time. Made peace that she will be in a better place. A place that there is no pain and no suffering. At last she will be with my dad and with my 2 siblings that has gone before her. It was now her time to be with them. She had her time with us. And for that I am thankful.

We were all sitting outside and my brother Jacques came out crying! And I shouted and I saw that Mervyn (eldest brother) was consoling him. And then my sister went in where my mom was. And she came and brought the news. My mom has sadly passed on. I was in tears, I was going crazy. And all I know is that my husband took me in his arms and just held me. I was prepared for this moment. But really was not prepared.

And I could'nt understand. It was like a nightmare. Someone please wake me up........

The rest of the eveing went by in a bit of a blur. I couldn't sleep. I just held my son when we got home. Just wanted to be with him. Just needed his smile to reassure me that all is ok.

Mom I love you very much. And I pray that you are in a better place. No more pain, no suffering. I am going to miss you so much.