I hate it! I feel so useless! My son is sick and he gets sick so often. I am sick yet I do not have a chance in hell to BE SICK!
Mother's day sucked BIG TIME. I hate Mother's day! I just hate it! I miss my mom. I was at the grave yesterday and standing there in the rain I realised what a wonderfull woman she was. And what she meant to me. Oh how I miss her. I wish things were different but I know that she is better off. I went on my knees and I just said a few words. I was crying frantically. My sister had to get me up and take me away. It feels like my life is just falling apart!
And I HATE my MIL. I hate her for what she is doing to me. Yesterday we went there to drop Zeke. I said happy mother's day, all she did was say thank you. NOTHING ELSE. After that she did not even look at me. I greeted my FIL, not even he said happy mother's day! They didn't even look at me. Made me feel like a peasant. Fuck them. From here on out, I HAVE NO PIL! I just hate what they are doing to me. They did wrong unto me, now it seems like I was the wrong one.
My son is still not better which means that I cannot sleep properly cause Ihave to check on him during the night. I feel so tired and emotional. I just want to cry. But there is no time for crying or time time to stop and just think. Things are going way too fast. How do I slow down?
Anyways, I know that I have people that love and care for me. This is what my family showed me this wekend. And thank God for them. And especially Thank GOD for my wonderful OPM friends. Love you all so much!
yes i am busy/ duty aaarrg
yes id do 4give you. no u not a monster. no u not a bad person. sorry if i make it seems you all bad. if you going to do a 100 wrong things that hurt me im gonna tell you a 100 time you were wrong.
you need to work on how you deal with things. if i am not easy to get along then tell me how i can change that. dont get upset i just talk about my feelings. tell me. u are to blame if you dont express. you know i will listen to what you have to say. if that is one of my problrms with you it taht you dont talk why wouldi shoot you down if you spke about my faults. i mite not agree with them if i feel so but at least its communication. you say my friends mite think so that im easy. i look at jealousy the way you deal with others to see how nice you are with thme. but in a second you can be rude with me.
like i say you need to get into a space to really c what you doing to me, to us. if its councilling do you want me to go with? i dont mind or do you need to do this on your own?
you rational now! when you irrational you dont need to be rude. you admit you are the problem. so change it. i will change if what you think i must change but thats gonna come from you to tell me what makes it hard for you to live with me.
Conroy John Sidney January 3rd
I am sorry for what you are going that you going through. I am sorry that I am the cause of your problems. I am sorry that I am not the wife that I could be. I am sorry that I am such a terrible person. You really do not deserve any of this. You are a good person, good husband and a good father. You have been there for me through everything. And I owe you so much. You are my love. You are the person that I want to be with for the rest of my life.
I am sorry for the heartache that I am causing you. I am sorry that I am such a burden in your life. I am sorry for everything.
Our lives together is not as bad as you make it out to be. We are good together, and yes I slip up. And yes I have my faults and I need to work on it. I don’t want to give up on us. And I want to work things through with you. But you are not always the easiest person to get along with. You might think you are, but you not. Your friends might find it easy to talk to you, but things are different from my point of view.
I love you, first and foremost. Yes I have done and said the wrong things. But does that make me a bad person? Does that make me a monster? I think not. Like I said before, I have faults and I have to deal with it and work through it. I am willing to do so. And I know that my commitment levels are not as high as yours when it comes to saying I will do this or I won’t do that. I respect you for that and commend you.
I really do not want the time we were together to go to waste. I want us to be happy in every way possible. I want to love you and make you happy and you me. I want joy and happiness. I can honestly say that you do that for me. You bring me joy and love and happiness. I have never been this happy in my life.
I am willing to go that extra mile. I am willing to go for counselling if that is what it will take. I am willing and I am willing. I want this to work. I don’t want to fight, I don’t want to be sad or see you sad.
I know I said some things and I am sorry. Sorry that I had lost the hope and the faith is us. Sorry that I have been selfish and bitter and rude and unreasonable. Please forgive me and please reconsider what we have. I don’t want to give up at all. I know I have been dealing with things in the wrong way. I know that I can do better and handle our situations better. I know atht I can be all that you need in your life.
I am think rationally now. And I am sorry that I say things when I am stubborn and unreasonable.
So many sorry’s. But will you forgive?
Remember that I love you and only you.
Lotsa love
Lilian January
So he is not coming home today. Mummy is so upset and hurt and emotional. And my life just seems to get worse and worse with each minute passing.
He has been diagnosed now with Pneumonia virus. WTF? I don't know what to do?
Please keep me in prayers and thoughts!
What have I done wrong in my life??? Why me??? Why all this???????????
Where to start??? My life has just gone from happily married to unhappily married. Yes that’s right. And it sucks. I am completely and utterly emotional today. I feel like I have lost it all. But I haven’t, I still have my precious Zeke.
What happened to us? Where did we go wrong? When did we loose the fire in our marriage? Maybe it’s me?
So last night I told hubby that things are just not going to work out. I feel like dying inside! I feel like I am a huge failure in my marriage and in my life. I am so unhappy right now, words cannot explain it. And you know what? I have to keep up a front. I don’t want to show people how I feel cause I don’t want to explain myself to everyone. I can’t.
Love me for me with my faults. If you can’t then too bad. Yes I know I have alot of faults. Yes I know that I cannot commit to keeping promises. So maybe we are better off, separated.
My poor Zekie boy, mommy loves you amidst the troubles in my life. You are my sunshine. Because of you I still want to live. Because you keep me going every day. My true miracle, God could not have sent a better Angel to me. I love you very very much my son.
