Family

I was thinking alot the other day about my family and the way we were. I really miss that sense of belonging. Now that I want to start my own family, I need the family that I had more than ever. This journey is becoming scary. Little guidance and no one to run to. I feel so lost and lonely. Eventhough I have a loving husband. But he can't be my mom, dad, brothers and sister at the same time! Oh I wish things were different. I still cry for the family that I had. I still feel that we can still be a family but the stubborness is greater than Our Family.

I grew up with little money, little food but with a lot of love and respect! My parents did'nt really work and my father, well he was just him. He did'nt do much to try and find work, he was a grumpy old man. lol. But he was a good father. He always used to say that he does'nt know how to raise children as he never had teh guidance of a father, yet he raised 6 beautiful children!

My father passed away 2years ago when it alll started! My mom became ill shortly afetr that. We as the children were there for her every step of the way. There were fights between ourselves but nothing that we could'nt resolve. Nothing that we also would'nt do to keep the peace for the sake of our mother. She was all we had, we just lost our father and we wanted to make the most of the time that we have with our mother. It was so nice to go and visit my brothers and sister. Everyone always being there for the other. I could phone my brother and say I need something and before I could put the phone down he was there! We all lived in harmony with one another. But then jealousy stepped in.

My mom got sick in January and then the real fighting started! We were told by the doctors that she has to go to Rehab and they did'nt say for how long. That was very sad. She wanted to go home. The doctors said no. We as a familt were there for her every step of the way. Then she decided that she wants to live with my eldest brother. He was more than happy that she wanted to stay there. My other brothers and sister on the other hand hated the idea. They wanted mom to live with them yet they did'nt give her the care that she needed in the first place. Oh it was such a chaotic situation. Everyone was fighting about where mom should go. But no-one had the proper resources to look after her. My family fell apart from that moment onwards. The hatred and jealousy and the anger all came out.

10 months down the line, mum lives with my sister and everyone else just goes to see her but there is no real realationship with each other. It is so sad taht all this happened and that my family fell apart because they could not put their differences aside for the sake of our only living parent.

But I pray for this family every day! I pray that God may guide the way. I pray for forgiveness because I too is not an innocent party in this situation. I also contributed to this family falling apart but would be more than happy to help bring it back together. I have tried so many things in so many ways but nothing. Each one with his/her own regrets, but no one humble enough to admit fault. I am guilty. I ask for forgiveness but it's not good enough for any of them.